Life is a journey of ups and downs and although we try avoiding going through hard times we simply can’t escape it. Of course everyone’s life is different, but in one way or another we all go through something difficult. In my case my life was completely turned upside down in a matter of minutes. I went from being a normal teenager who’s biggest problem at the time was passing the midterm exams to then being on the brink of death.
This unfortunate event happened to me 7 years ago as I was just starting a new chapter in my life. To me that new chapter was high school, but God had other plans for me. As I mentioned before, I had always struggled with my heart condition and because of that I had to undergo open heart surgery to fix what could potentially kill me if left untreated. Making the decision to have this surgery was very difficult to make, but at the end it was for the best or at least we hoped it was.
My mentality going into the surgery was very optimistic and all I thought about was how I was finally going to be healthy. I even thought that perhaps I would get the opportunity to join a sports team after being told that I couldn’t do it all my life. My excitement for all that could come after having a healthy heart overshadowed my nerves for the actual surgery which was kind of a blessing in disguise.
The day of surgery I remember I was excited and scared at the same time, but I put on a brave face to convince myself and my parents that everything was going to be just fine. Lying in the hospital bed in the Pre Op waiting area in the hospital I had my family around for a while until finally I got their blessings and I was wheeled into the operating room.
I spent several minutes lying on the operating table imagining what life would be like post surgery and praying for everything to go well. As I prayed I began to feel my eyes getting heavy and before I knew it I was asleep.
The surgery was scheduled to last roughly 12 hours max and we were expecting that I would wake from anesthesia soon after, but that is not what happened at all. After the 12 hours my family began to feel frustrated because they were not getting any answers on how the surgery had gone.
The only information my family was given about me was that surgery was successful and that I would wake up soon. Roughly two days went by and I still wouldn’t wake from anesthesia. My family felt incompetent throughout this time because they couldn’t do anything to help me.
After two days of waiting my family finally got news of me. I wasn’t waking up because I had a blood clot in my brain near my spinal cord and I needed emergency surgery to remove it. I hadn’t woken up from the first surgery and I was on my way to another surgery. I think that was the hardest part at the beginning. When you or your family member is going through something like this you really don’t think logically you only care about what is going on in the moment and trust that the medical team has everything under control. When my family found out about the blood clot they were devastated, but ultimately trusted that the medical team would do what was best for me.
The situation was difficult, but everyone stayed as optimistic as possible and never lost faith in God. After the brain surgery was completed I woke from anesthesia, but I was a completely different person health wise. I was paralyzed from head to toe and was attached to numerous machines that were keeping me alive, the main one being life support. The only thing I was able to do was keep my eyes open and the rest was gone.
It’s difficult to describe how those moments felt because at the beginning I was unable to feel anything. Every now and then I remember small things that happened, but not enough to form a clear picture. Some things I remember and some things I get from my family’s perspective.
For example, the first time they were given the opportunity to see me after waking up most of my family couldn’t physically come in and see me because the sight of all that was happening around me was too much for them to bear. The last time they had seen me I looked completely healthy. Fast forward two days I am bed bound with a ventilator in my mouth and a feeding tube up my nose among many other things.
Aa difficult as things seemed we as a family could not and would not let this defeat me. The odds were not favorable when it came down to my survival, but we had faith in God and the best support system out there. Prayer was my biggest weapon against every obstacle so having people all over praying for my recovery was such a huge blessing.
Every day that went by was a blessing because it meant one more day of me being alive, but with each blessing came a lot of pain. At the beginning it was emotionally painful to my family in specific because everything they were told about my health and recovery was negative. It seemed like everyday I was getting worse and worse. What hurt the most was the constant question of whether disconnecting me from life support was the best. My parents hated when this question came up because they knew that I was still there fighting for my life and God was going to pull through with a miracle.
They were not wrong because although I showed no signs of being conscious I was able to see and hear everything as well. it was torture for me. I would be lying in my bed fighting for my life and I would hear the conversation of whether or not disconnecting me was the best for me. To this day that was the most painful thing I have ever been through. I take comfort in knowing that God heard my prayer and gave me the strength to fight and overcome. My journey was just beginning, but to me this was what ultimately changed my entire perspective of life and how we should never take anything for granted no matter how insignificant it may seem. The message I want people to take away from this is that although our problems may seem impossible to overcome, know that you are not alone. As long as there’s life, there is hope especially if you have God in your life.